Why I Hate The Mets, reason number 18,452

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St. Louis Drivers

Growing up, we had a term for people who couldn't drive: "New Jersey Drivers." Well, since spending the last five years out in the Midworst, I have a new term: "St. Louis Driver."

You see, to me, one of the greatest feelings you can get is when you first get on the highway and are able to hit that accelerator and feel the car jump into a higher gear. It's a freeing feeling, like there's nothing standing in your way. And the exact opposite of that, then, would be traffic.

Most traffic I can deal with. I mean, everyone hates traffic, but bumper-to-bumper, big-city traffic, accident traffic, it's all within reason. There is a method to the madness. It's not unfounded.

St. Louis traffic is just that. Unfounded.

St. Louis traffic comes as a mixture of several things:

1. Poor planning. Interstate 170 ends at the intersection of Highway 64/40 and Eager Road. It just stops. What kind of a highway, a three lane highway, for that matter, just stops? Anytime there's an average amount of cars on the road, the amount of congestion at that intersection is ridiculous and unfounded. There are various places around this city in just that manner. The highway 70, 44, 64/40 intersection by the Arch. The traffic lights by the Landing. Random stop signs where there should be lights and lights where there should be stop signs. It's like someone took a map of the street of St. Louis, closed their eyes, and played pin the light on the intersection.

2. Lack of knowing what you're doing/where you're going. Clearly St. Louis residents have absolutely no idea what is going on. Despite that they've been here long enough to figure it out, they still don't know when their exit is, what lane to make right turns from (right lane), to look in their side mirrors and blind spots, etc. Between the Skinker Road exit on Westbound Highway 64/40 and the intersection of I-170 and Brentwood, there is ALWAYS traffic. However, there's no cause for this traffic. The highway doesn't suddenly merge two lanes, it doesn't have a lower posted speed limit. It is a mixture of a few large turns and people getting over too early/too late. The traffic is pointless and unfounded, and it's enough to drive you insane.

3. Lack of courtesy. I don't know if it's the fact that people in St. Louis are stubborn or what. I do know, however, that they don't have the proper courtesy. While they'll sit at a stop sign for five minutes waiting for you to go when they, in fact, have the right of way, on the highway they'll do whatever they please, whenever. One of the main reasons there is traffic in St. Louis is because people drive too close together. Why do they do that? Because they don't have the courtesy to either a) speed up or b) slow down. Instead, they will tail each other - six, seven, eight cars at a time. The first car will not speed up to gain separation, and none of the cars following behind will slow down. However, since they're driving so close to each other, to be safer, they drive slower as a group (especially when making turns - they've never heard of accelerating into the turn?), and make it worse on everyone around them. I've had constant traffic issues because of this fact. I like to call it "The Clump Phenomenon."

My last point is not a reason for traffic in St. Louis, it's just an example of why they're the worst drivers I've ever seen. When a light turns green, the cars at the front will sit there a good 10-15 seconds before they begin to (slowly) accelerate. Why do they do this? Because red lights mean nothing in this city. A just-turned red light only means that you can get three more cars through the intersection. Therefore, the cars waiting at the green light take longer to start, causing the cars in the back to run the red light so they can make the light they should have made in the first place, wash, rinse and repeat. It's absurd. Factor that in with unusually short lights at some major intersections, and you can spend more time at one light than it will take you to make the entire rest of your trip combined.


On second thought, though, maybe they're the best drivers. They would have to be to not have 100 accidents a day.